ANIMAL FARM

Whisky

 

Dear comrades, today is the saddest day of my blessed life. Today, we stand to lose the greatest leader we could have hoped for. Yes, comrades, it seems that Comrade Napoleon may be dying. The causes are unknown; it might be the dreadful acts of that scoundrel, Snowball. Our brave leader’s dying wish is thus: the drinking of alcohol shall be punished by death. We will honor, Comrade Napoleon, and lament your loss. Long live Animal Farm and Napoleon Mill!!

 

Update: Excuse me comrades. Please disregard the contents of the post above. By pure accident, I consumed some whisky in light of our frenzied celebration. Comrade Napoleon was affected by this as well, but as always, he is thinking of how best to better Animal Farm, learning from this setback. Please understand that none of the statements I made were true. Just so that we are clear, I would like for all to know of the contents of the Fifth Commandment: No animal shall drink alcohol to excess.